Navigating the working world as an Autistic ADHDer

Before I start this post, I think it's important to acknowledge that I'm sharing as a white, cisgender, low support needs, able to mask, speaking autistic and ADHD woman, diagnosed later in life. I say this because there are such a wide range of experiences out there and I am very aware that for all of the ways that I might experience difficulties, I also hold privilege so this is simply one experience of millions and it's important that we continue to listen to a whole range of experiences to promote real understanding and change.

When I was about ten, we had weekly swimming lessons at school. We’d all get on a coach and travel to the local swimming baths and, as an undiagnosed AuDHDer, I’m surprised that I didn’t have constant meltdowns about the whole situation.

The noisy changing rooms, the variation from a usual routine, getting into the water, getting out of the water, trying to understand what was going on amongst 30 other ten- year-olds plus members of the public. But I managed, somehow, copying what everyone else did and trying my best (the people pleasing started young!).

I remember one lesson in particular where I was sent from the small beginner pool into the full size pool to complete my 25 metre badge. I’d been swimming front crawl, which I hated because you had to put your face in the water so when the teacher in the main pool asked me which stroke I wanted to do to achieve my badge, I said backstroke which I enjoyed much more.

I completed my 25 metres and looked up to see my usual teacher standing next to the main pool teacher looking annoyed.

“I sent her in to do it on her front”, she said, then tutted and walked off.

And as quickly as the euphoria of achievement came, that feeling quickly turned to shame for not managing to achieve it in the way that I was ‘supposed’ to.

I think about that interaction a lot as it feels like it perfectly illustrates what life has been like as an autistic ADHDer; at school, in the workplace and just generally trying to exist.

Trying to navigate the workplace as an undiagnosed autistic ADHDer has been really hard. You feel like you don’t fit in so you try harder. You assume that everyone feels like this and you don’t want to be that person that looks like they can’t cope so you just carry on. Trying to be someone you’re not, feeling constant exhaustion and confusion and a deep, deep sadness because you don’t feel like you connect with anyone. And each time you try to change yourself to fit in, you lose a bit of who you are.

I was fired from one of my first jobs for being too quiet. They said I was ‘moody’ because I didn’t talk very much. They didn’t give me any warning or opportunity to change, they just quietly replaced me and then gave me a card that said ‘Sorry You’re Leaving!’ (Genuinely a true story).

So, at my next job, I tried to be louder and go to social events to be one of the team and then I was told that I needed to tone it down, not drink too much and be more professional.

I’ve been in roles when I haven’t understood something and asked questions and I’ve been told that I’m being difficult on purpose. So, then you feel like you can’t ask questions and that causes anxiety because you’re not sure what you should be doing.

Once I was told I didn’t care about anything because I struggled to process information quickly and needed more time to answer questions, particularly when those questions were being asked in large meetings. So, I would panic and try to answer more quickly and then I was told that I waffled too much.

There have been times where I’ve taken work to be reviewed that I’ve been so proud to share, only to be told that I’ve done it the ‘wrong’ way even though it makes sense to me. So, then I’ve done things the way I’m ‘supposed’ to but it takes four times longer and I’ve lost interest in doing it at all.

When I’ve struggled with anxiety and asked for help, it was suggested that I wasn’t strong enough to do the role I was in. So I stopped asking for help and instead spent decades pushing through, burning out, starting again and so the cycle repeats forever.

It’s really hard to explain your sensory needs to people who don’t get it, so having to work in a bright office or commute every day or sit in long meetings or wear uncomfortable clothes is exhausting.

And then there’s all the social rules that I just find hard. Small talk. Social events. Hierarchy. Honestly, I just find it all really boring.

Once I was diagnosed and spent some time understanding what I needed, it became clear pretty quickly that working for myself was really the only option at this point so that I can actually look after my wellbeing in the way that I deserve after so many years of just pushing through.

What I'd love to see change

But what would have helped when I was employed? What would I love to see change so that more than 30% of autistic people could be supported into jobs they would be brilliant at?

Acceptance of Different Work Styles

Some of us work best in bursts of hyperfocus. Others need structure and clear deadlines. Some need movement. Some need quiet. Some need to stim or doodle in meetings to concentrate. There isn’t one right way to work - just different ways of being productive. Of all the things that I think would make a difference, allowing people to be valued for the work they produce, rather than the number of hours they work would be the thing I'd love to see more workplaces adopting.

Flexible Communication

Not everyone processes verbal information quickly, and meetings can be overwhelming. Giving information in writing, allowing time to process before expecting answers, and understanding that 'I need to think about this' is a valid response would make such a difference.

Sensory-Friendly Environments

Fluorescent lights, loud open-plan offices, strong smells from the kitchen - these can be unbearable. Being able to wear noise-canceling headphones, adjust lighting or trusting people to work remotely would help so much.

Clarity Over Social Expectations

Are we really expected to join every social event? Are we judged for opting out? Can we be direct in emails without being seen as rude? The unwritten rules of workplace culture can be exhausting to decode. Just tell us the expectations clearly so we don’t have to guess. And don't make it performance issue if we get it 'wrong'.

No Punishment for Being Ourselves

I’ve been too quiet. I’ve been too loud. I’ve asked too many questions. I’ve not asked enough. I’ve been 'too emotional' or 'not emotional enough.' Instead of forcing us to fit impossible expectations, what if workplaces embraced neurodivergent employees for who we are? I know, radical.

Support Without Judgment

Asking for adjustments so that we can work in a better way shouldn’t mean being seen as weak or incapable (for anyone). Burnout prevention should be prioritised over crisis management. And needing help doesn’t mean we’re bad at our jobs - it just means we work differently.

Most of all, I wish workplaces truly understood that we’re not trying to be difficult. We’re just trying to exist in a world that doesn't always work for us. But it could. And small changes - real, meaningful changes - could make all the difference.

If you'd like support to be more you

I work with ADHD and AuDHD professionals who are looking for support at work. We work on things like understanding your executive functions, identifying your needs and setting boundaries, building confidence, advocating for yourself, reducing feelings of shame or guilt and creating strategies to navigate your life and career so you can do more of the things that are important to you.

If that sounds helpful, I'd love to chat.

Read more about ADHD coaching with me here.